Stalk This, Stalker B*tch!

Ok, it's official. I have a stalker.

I'm not bullsh*tting at all. A former client of mine has decided that she is in love with me. To prove her love, she has called me over 200 (that's TWO HUNDRED) times in under 5 days. She usually leaves me voicemail messages that range in sentiment from "I love you" to "I hate you" and then "call me."

Much discussion about this situation has circulated throughout our facility. Most of us have decided that this woman, who by the way is married with 3 kids, very likely suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. She's delusional. She leaves messages that suggest that we have spoken on the telephone (mind you, I haven't answered or responded to ANY of her 200 calls, and haven't said word one to her in over 3 weeks). She says things like "I got a weird vibe when we hung up. Did you get a weird vibe? Call me!"

I knew it was getting bad when she started leaving messages telling me that she was going to wait for me in the parking lot at work. She said she would wait under her car for me.

This woman is SO crazy that she BELONGS on "Flavor of Love" or "Breaking Bonaduce." (I love both of those shows, btw.)

Now, you might be thinking that I work in mental health so I should expect this sort of thing, right? WRONG! I work with Axis 1 diagnoses ONLY. This woman is SO cracked that even Humpty Dumpty feels bad for her.

So, what's a gay-guy therapist supposed to do? Well, I can't reveal my sexual orientation to her, it would most likely set her off into an "I can change you" sort of narcissistic rage. I tried to block her phone calls by contacting Sprint. LAUGH! No joke, the woman on the phone told me that it was "IMPOSSIBLE" to block specific numbers from calling me. REALLY?!?! I mean, let's get real here. I can have telephone calls routed to a freaking WRISTWATCH if I want. I can have up to the minute info FROM MOTHERF*CKING MARS (not counting the 30 minute transmission distance delay)!!!!!!! But Sprint thinks it's IMPOSSIBLE to block specific numbers from calling me? No way Ho! I'm CERTAIN she meant that it was simply not an available feature. They were NO help! So, I did what I had to do. I exercised my rights under Michigan's (very strong) Anti-Stalking law and filed for a PPO (Personal Protection Order). I feel badly that I had to do that, but at the same time, I was TOTALLY getting freaked out. I SOOOOOO didn't want to come home and find a fresh batch of "cat stew" boiling away on my stove.

Don't get me wrong, this woman is ill and REALLY needs professional help. Unfortunately she has refused all the help we tried to give her. We TRIED to do the right thing, but she forced me to do the bright thing. (ok that was a bad one, sorry)

So, here's hoping that the PPO and the police do their jobs and keep stalker b*tch away from me and my voicemail.

"He was standing outside the window with a carving knife and a jar of Vasoline!"

Assheads!

--Iton